What to Expect When You're Expecting a Middle School Adolescent

As parents of newborns, you arm yourselves with books and information about what to expect during their first year of life. Everything usually happens in a somewhat predictable order. As you parent your middle-school child, it would be wonderful if it were that simple. Development happens at an unpredictable schedule and pace. Changes are happening physically, socially, and emotionally, as well as cognitively. These developmental changes impact how they view themselves as well as their relationships with peers and parents.

The most apparent change for middleschool adolescents is physical development. They grow, gain weight, and their bodies mature. There is no other period, other than the first year of life, where development proceeds at such a rapid pace. You may wonder how your child can consume four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and eat half a pizza. You may question how they have outgrown their pants, again! Some adolescents experience changes early, while others are late. Some go through changes quickly and others are slower paced. This may be upsetting for children as they compare themselves to others. It’s important that they have accurate information about the changes occurring in their body before it happens.

While the physical changes are most obvious to people, significant cognitive changes are less evident. More confusing than how much they devour for breakfast is knowing what is going on in their heads. Adolescent brains are developing and evolving in different ways. These changes give adolescents the ability to think more critically and in-depth, but they do not have the adult wiring yet in their frontal lobe that gives them the insight to make the best decisions in times of stress. Their focus is very much on themselves. This egocentrism, in which the world revolves around them with a heightened sense that everyone is aware of their every move, is completely normal. Self-consciousness is at its max during this stage of development. 

Adolescents are very concerned about themselves and even more concerned about how others view them. Early adolescence is a time when there is a new interest in peer relationships. There is a shift from reliance on parents to an increased need for peer approval. Peers influence their self-esteem and identity. They often measure themselves against their peers and become discouraged as they compete for the same qualities and status as others. As friendships and relationships fall apart, get sorted out, and fall apart again, there is immense emotional stress for adolescents. These emotional ups and downs are normal and, regrettably, part of the adolescent experience. As a parent who may be figuring out your new role, your child will continue to need a sympathetic ear and a rational voice in times of stress, as he or she navigates the changing role with peers. You may hear, “you don’t get it,” which is normal, but they will still need to confide in someone. It may be the other parent or family member; it may be a coach, teacher, or school counselor.

Middle school is a time when adolescents will make mistakes, and that’s okay. As a parent, you don’t want them to make life-altering mistakes. You want to protect them, but when mistakes do happen, use them as teachable moments. With their cognitive changes, middle schoolers will be able to think more critically about a problem and analyze it in different ways. Know that there will be fumbles along the way. There is no perfect or one right way to do things. As you coast or stumble through these years as a parent when all these changes are taking place, remember what works for one adolescent may not work for another – just like those newborns.