What to Expect When You're Expecting a Middle School Adolescent

As parents of newborns, you arm yourselves with books and information about what to expect during their first year of life. Everything usually happens in a somewhat predictable order. As you parent your middle-school child, it would be wonderful if it were that simple. Development happens at an unpredictable schedule and pace. Changes are happening physically, socially, and emotionally, as well as cognitively. These developmental changes impact how they view themselves as well as their relationships with peers and parents.

The most apparent change for middleschool adolescents is physical development. They grow, gain weight, and their bodies mature. There is no other period, other than the first year of life, where development proceeds at such a rapid pace. You may wonder how your child can consume four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and eat half a pizza. You may question how they have outgrown their pants, again! Some adolescents experience changes early, while others are late. Some go through changes quickly and others are slower paced. This may be upsetting for children as they compare themselves to others. It’s important that they have accurate information about the changes occurring in their body before it happens.

While the physical changes are most obvious to people, significant cognitive changes are less evident. More confusing than how much they devour for breakfast is knowing what is going on in their heads. Adolescent brains are developing and evolving in different ways. These changes give adolescents the ability to think more critically and in-depth, but they do not have the adult wiring yet in their frontal lobe that gives them the insight to make the best decisions in times of stress. Their focus is very much on themselves. This egocentrism, in which the world revolves around them with a heightened sense that everyone is aware of their every move, is completely normal. Self-consciousness is at its max during this stage of development. 

Adolescents are very concerned about themselves and even more concerned about how others view them. Early adolescence is a time when there is a new interest in peer relationships. There is a shift from reliance on parents to an increased need for peer approval. Peers influence their self-esteem and identity. They often measure themselves against their peers and become discouraged as they compete for the same qualities and status as others. As friendships and relationships fall apart, get sorted out, and fall apart again, there is immense emotional stress for adolescents. These emotional ups and downs are normal and, regrettably, part of the adolescent experience. As a parent who may be figuring out your new role, your child will continue to need a sympathetic ear and a rational voice in times of stress, as he or she navigates the changing role with peers. You may hear, “you don’t get it,” which is normal, but they will still need to confide in someone. It may be the other parent or family member; it may be a coach, teacher, or school counselor.

Middle school is a time when adolescents will make mistakes, and that’s okay. As a parent, you don’t want them to make life-altering mistakes. You want to protect them, but when mistakes do happen, use them as teachable moments. With their cognitive changes, middle schoolers will be able to think more critically about a problem and analyze it in different ways. Know that there will be fumbles along the way. There is no perfect or one right way to do things. As you coast or stumble through these years as a parent when all these changes are taking place, remember what works for one adolescent may not work for another – just like those newborns.

Consider the Independent School Option

From the founding of the first independent school in America, the Collegiate School in Manhattan, in 1628 to the establishment of The Laboratory School in Chicago by the famous educational philosopher John Dewey, to the introduction of the Harkness method at Exeter Academy in 1931, independent schools have a long tradition of success in teaching and student development. 

A Tradition of Success and Innovation
The common characteristics of these schools have always been superior academics, exceptional opportunities, high levels of family and community involvement, and engaging and supportive learning environments.

Research Shows the Value
In 2011, the National Association of Independent Schools, in partnership with the Higher Education Research Institute, conducted a study entitled "Independent School Graduates: Well-Prepared, Open-Minded, and Eager to Learn" about the attitudes and attributes of independent school graduates.

The findings suggest that graduates of independent schools demonstrate a number of advantages including:

● Enhanced development of 21st century skills, such as evaluating and synthesizing multiple sources of information, problem solving, as well as the ability to support opinions with logical arguments.

● An eagerness to engage in intellectual, athletic, and social experiences that recognizes the importance of life outside the classroom.

In addition, children who attend independent schools perform better on national assessments such as the ACT, Advanced Placement, and Education Record Bureau (ERB) than national norms for their public school counterparts.

Prepared to Succeed
Ensuring all students are equipped with the skills necessary to make an impact is the hallmark of schools such as University School of Milwaukee. Beyond the data of student performance are the countless qualitative experiences that are unique to independent schools. These graduates enter society with a sense of purpose and drive that lasts throughout their lives. In fact, graduates of independent schools include political, public service, and business leaders who credit their experiences at these schools as the catalyst for success later in life.

Independent schools will continue to promote and advance innovation in the classroom — this is the “tradition” of independent education. As you consider the best educational environment for your child, consider the independent school option.

About the Author:
Sylvester Cutler is a teacher, coach, and administrator at University School of Milwaukee. He has an undergraduate degree in Sociology and a master’s degree in Organizational Leadership. He is the Director of USM’s Grants and Scholarships Program, teaches a history elective course in sociology, and is a coach in the Boys Basketball Program.